Sometimes L and Light are just Retards
by Dr Yu Minoru
Summary: well light wanted lunch. then they went to town. after a trail of unfortunate events they find themselves dead, then dead again, then something random, then alive. oh and a scorned prostitute remembers them, and light sees his exwife, but a little before that they get genderbended, and 'do' voldemorts brains out anyway just read it, you'll feel better
1. Chapter 1

Death Note- sometimes l and light are just retards

Disclaimer: I hearby do not own death note or its characters, the wild thornberries, harry potter, little nicky, Dr parnassus's imaginarium or any songs in the story

Light: hey L I wanna eat some lunch with you right now. But make sure u don't give me AIDS

L: awwwww but I wanted a semen sandwhich...

Nananananan fruit salad! Yummy Yummy! L and Light wore their favourite sea cucumber outfits for that song

L: I love pineapples

Light: yeah how much?

L: IMMA GONNA GO ARSERAPE ONE GOKKUOMGGUBASTAD

Light: nooooooooooooo dr pineapple!

L and Light proceded to go buy some ice cream and held hands as they walked in a circle around Pedobear. Pedobear got pissed and nearly arse-in-your-eye raped them both at once so they ran away to an all-u-can-eat buffet but got thrown out after Light started masturbating on a tablecloth so they had to go somewhere else and do something so while wearing their favourite tailored suits, except L was just Naked, they went to a nearby cafe where Light started talking in a gay accent and had his face covered in makeup, shit and his nails painted purple

Light: so then, Matsuda was like, OMG U BASTAD y u no invite me over to teh house anymore for massive orgys?! And I was like, um excuse me Matsuda, u r a pig. So then he like started holding my hands over my head and started humping me but I just pulled a dildo out of my ass and shoved it up his cock in the slit, and it split all over my face. Ugh it was horrible

L: I see, you no, Matsuda did something like that to me the other day too

All the other people in the cafe were horrified but had to keep listening they had all pictured Matsuda's dick splitting and some random douche bag had decided to try it on himself

L: light I just realised something

L said as he pulled a turnip out of his penis and threw it at the douche bag

Light: what L?

Light said as he pulled a porcupine out of L's armpit and shoved it up his dick (for later use ^^)

L: we just got gender-bended!

WoooOOOOOOooooooooooooOOOOOO OOOOOooOOOOOOOOOOoOooooooooo ooo


	2. Chapter 2

Light: omg we're women.

Light and L looked down each others skirts that had magically appeared.

L: FUUUCCCKKKK I ALWAYS WANTSED A VAJINA

Light: ME TOO! WHY DON'T WE GO FUKKU OURSELVES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD TO SHOW OFF OUR NEW BODIES!

L: yeeeaaaaahhhhh!

L and Light ran into the middle off the road and pulled the skirts off and threw them Away. The skirts hit a car going past causing the driver to shit himself and crash into a 'conveniently' placed brick wall on the kerb.

Light and L started pumping themselves and people stopped and watched. The douche from before now considered himself a girl and ran out to join in. He got hit by a bus and all his guts went on the sky's ceiling fan. Unfortunately for L and Light, they had ran onto the road when the sign said do not cross and a cattle truck came by and blew them up.

Those two face planted on the ground in front of Hell's gatekeeper after falling through the gate which was a massive wall of fire

Gatekeeper: welcome to hell. And yes, my head has two boobs on it

L and Light looked at each other and their heads exploded. They fell back into hell and stood up.

L: hey! Our vajinas are gone

Light: no fun. Doesn't Voldemort's nose look like a vajina?

L: yeah, it does. Hey there is is now let's go see him. HEY VOLDEMORT! WE WANNA COME AND FUK UR NOSE!

L shouted as they ran over to Voldemort.

Voldemort: what? Why would I let you do that?

He said as he put his hands up defensively except L and Light had already got their frilly dillies hanging out and had pushed Voldemort onto the ground and shoved a cock up each nostril and started fucking his brains out -literally. Volde's brains came out his ears and mouth and when he pushed them away finally L and Lights dicks snapped off in his nose and he ran off screaming except Harry potter was there and he started raping Voldemort so yeah.

Light: OMG L, look over there. They have ass biscuits here

L: then let's go get som. remember to hold my hand as we're crossing the road.

L and Light looked left the right then left and proceeded to cross the street safely

Ass biscuits are the best. They beat, all the rest. When UR horny, think thatcha a gone-y, remember eat some Ass Biscuit. Yeah

L: nice song light

L said as he ate his 5$82026;:):7286th ass biscuit.

Light: that wasn't me, I thought it was u singing...

Light and L turned around slowly. And what they saw was a giant hooker with a vacuum cleaner.

L: SHIT! It's got so much sucking power

Light: ooohhh noooo! I knew we shouldn't have just left that hooker tied to the boat back wen we were in the The Maldives.

L and Light ran over to satan and accidentally tripped over Little Nicky.

Sate: hey watch where the fuck you're going. Are you alright my little sweet boy?

Nicky stood up and coughed before nodding.

L: hey we're gonna get molested by a hooker with a vengeance if u don't help us

Sate: well this is hell u no

L and Light got molested and Light died while L just had to bear the awkwardness of a girl *cough man* trying to shove herself up him. Light didn't go back to hell tho. He found himself in an aquarium with some fishes. The horror! Light had been turned into an amusement fish for the people in heaven and now he was reduced to eating fish flakes.

Random: oh this one has a face like that Yagami guy

Light: that's because it is!

Then light jumped out and flailed like a magikarp cause he has no legs he's still a fish and all the people looked at the fish and someone stood on him he went splat and light found himself in his double bed. He looked at the other side and saw a dark haired figure lying beside him and snuggled close.

Light: mmmmm L, it was a hell of a day right

But then the figure turned over and it was Lights ex-wife, Dr Parnassus the goat and his horns were so massive and thick and black so much that light now sported a massive erection because of the horns.

Light: I'm sorry Parnassus so now for forgiveness lets fuck a donkey.

So light and Parnassus went over to visits Sir Donks-alot and used his long pointy ears as sex toys

L was in a predicament. Since that hooker had fuked him she kept calling and texting him and now L couldn't handle it anymore so he went over to the gatekeeper, gave him a titty twister on his head boobs and used his teleportation powers to go straight to lights bathroom where he busted light masturbating with the severed head (but he was using the horns, so black and curly and massive) of a hermaphrodited goat.

L: isn't that Dr Parnassus?

L said poking the torn fur at the base where the head was detached.

Light: yes indeed it is. She wanted to get back with me so we fuked a donkeys ears and I cut his head off with my turtle

L: ahhhh I understand now

Light: so where hav u been while I was turned into a goldfish, found a goat in my bed, had some fun and killed it?

L: well...

FLASHBACK! ! ! }}}}}

Part party party time

Get your Crayon crayon! Eerhhhhhehehehehdh

Hooker: c'mon L baby just one more time

A crowd had gathered around L and was watching him bend his thumb at a 1200• degree angle in his mouth

L: let's not talk about it. Anyway. I feel so arse fuked right now, this day has turned out to be a pile of shit up my nose coming out of my penis

Light: yeah. There's only one thing that could make this day a good one

L & Light: that would be...

On cue, Nigel Thornberry bust open their door and spread his arms open wide

Nigel: Hello there little people. I've just come back from Tibet and I think it's time for... SURPRISE SEX!

Everyone cheered and L, Light and Nigel had a massive threesome except Matsuda came in and tried to join in but he just got a dildo up his arse and got sent home. So then Nigel went back to his van, they threw the head in the bin along with Matsuda and went back inside and looked at the calendar and found that this day had lasted 467965313790 years

THE END

Light: Ah fuck

L heard light cry and ran to investigate

L: what's the matter light?

Light: you gave me AIDS

...


End file.
